THE ROCKY ROAD TO THE BRITISH OFF ROAD CHAMPIONSHIP
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A diary of events leading upto Huggy racing in the BORC this year!
BY HUGGY
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May2006
Well here we go. After much deliberation and bulling myself up I have decided to enter the BORC. Great! All I need is a car; Manby and alcohol: what a combination.
Walking around the pits with Naan and Gable we came across a Warrior and I said in my compulsive manner,"I'm gonna have that, what a great idea." Naan or Gable did nothing to dissuade me. I spoke to the current owner, Chink, repeated the above and barrelled off laughing and throwing Belgian Handgranades.
June2006
Le Mans 24 heures Endrinkance. Seavers arranged for us all to go to Le Mans to celebrate his stag do, build a beer mountain, talk about cars and ricking, and generally fool about with like minded people in the glorious sunshine in an alcohol induced stupor on somebody else's pre booked plot. (European Corvette Owners Club).
More barracking from Mr. Don't you know who I am about racing and a trip in the bungy ball. Le Gache, Le Crash, Le Mash Mash Mash
July2006
I ring the Chink and decide to buy the car at the end of the season. We get talked into servicing on the car in Gers, near the South Pole in France. Enrolled Naan to join in and with Badger we all had a merry time, Rammy jambon et oefs. Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui......NON!
September2006
BORC Championship coming to the final round and in an exiting finale Chorlton became Mr. Don't you know who I am and Milky Moo was dethroned to Mr. Don't you know who I was.
October2006
Decided to enter the Plaines and Vallees in Evreux. Great!
November 2006
Tried the car out at NORC event in Rochdale. It's certainly quicker than a 200 TDI Production class 90. Did I tell you I won that. Dead hard loads of competition and all.
Managed to borrow the following: Chink's car, Chink's trailer, Chink's van, Chink's service crew, Chink's tool kit and finally my piece de resistance: Chink's wife.
I finally entered a French event:one more off the to do list. Picture the scene: Dead flat, 1.5km grade 2 track, shift lights on in 6th, navigator unreassuringly silent, can't go any faster and I can only just see past the bonnet. Who needs Alton Towers.
December2006
Santa brought my 3 year old lad, Ben, some new Motordrive seats, a Brantz unit, and a set of cheeky Alloys. Good old Santa.
January2007
Car goes to the Badger's Sett Priory Clinic for De-toxing.
NORC has Annual prize giving and dinner dance. I get quizzed repeatedly on the new car. Tried to quell all rumours but I can't hold my own piss.
February2007
Car comes back from Badger's and sits gleaming in Tic Tok Racing Orange ( Ford Transit Van Tipper Orange) with thanks to Kermit for the colour and Badger for the miracle. Naan then takes the car to Oop North for prepping.
March2007
Not long now. Send the entries, collect the car, decide what size tyres to get, put the stickers on, remember how to drive like a knob.
Friday13th April.
Got loaded up, headless chicken syndrome. Everybody meet at Tic Tok Towers ready for off. WAITING! Waiting for Badger, his open backed driving glove must have got snared up in his macrami beaded seat cover whilst changing his Fiverlady.
Any road, we get close to our destination and true to form Badger and his honed navigation skills get us lost. It's tradition. We arrive at the site and park up with Milky Moo-what an excellent site.
Beer tent: talk shite, drink beer, smoke fags and talk more shite. Fantastic.
Saturday2007
Debated whether to walk the course or not. I never do this so; would it be a bad omen? Walked a bit of it with Milky and Sticky Welder.
First run: made a right bollox of it. Lost a minute turning in too soon and stalling the car. Stig Blomfisk more like Stig of the dump.
Got seeded with the greens. Soon got into the reds though.
By half way through the day I was getting used to Zena (The Warrior Princess) power sliding in my underpants and showing off, like you do! Mork from Elite Transmissions suggested that I don't clutch on shift. They are the future them gearboxes. Now I am a Real Off Roaderrrr.(sic). Double O managed to come to terms with the fact Zena is a tad faster than the old Lightweight we used to race in, in the early 90s and started talking again.
Loving it. Mork and his missus, Mindy, from Elite looked after us really well. Posh crisps, cous cous, biscuits hand crunched between the thighs of Thai Virgins and the largest lorry mounted beer fridge in the country.
Finished the day off at the burger van being scolded by Robbo for having the loudest car; off the scale on his noise meter and louder than Concord but quieter than Three's rabbit! A cheer for being the best at something was probably not the response Robbo required.
Donned the new racing team shirts and hit the beer tent. Another night of laughing and tormenting the Southerners. We have our own token southerner, Gable, but he's been truly assimilated.
Sunday2007
Woken up by Milky's Nissan derived alarm clock, and Robbo says my car is loud.
On it straight away. Ian Bartram's times were very similar to mine. I wanted to beat him. But alas, a handful of seconds was what separated us after two days racing. Well done Ian, no hard feelings, none at all.... arse.
The last run I decided to try and get the 7 seconds I needed to beat Ian by using various geographical features to assist cornering speeds and maintain the most beneficial racing line. I rubbed a tree and managed to rub out my bumper, wing, lights, bonnet, other bits of metal things. Good job Badger has a heater in the garage.
So we draw to a close, I finished 8th OA which wasn't too bad, but the NORC had 8 drivers in the top 10.
Loaded up and went home. Another excellent weekend with many more funny stories to regale to the boring baskets of this world.
Credits:
CHINK for the car, advice, support and number 73 with rice and not being on the ferry
LE CLARE for navigating in France and spending her 10th anniversary night on the ferry
BADGER for getting us lost and the winter rebuild and blue badge
NAAN for prepping the car and eating all the pies and getting me into this fine mess
GABLE for translating the Southerners attempt at piss taking and being scary
BERN SANG DE MERDE for allowing us to kidnap him from Saga Tours and The War
GEORGE BRETT for sleeping and doing the website
DOUBLE O for shoehorning in to the navi seat and making me look slim(mer)
THREE for actually liking the racing and the horizontal pilates workout regime
MORK and MINDY for M&S sustenance (they're not just any transmissions)
HUGGY for being a Real Off-roader. NO THERE IS NOTHING ON MY SHOE!
Handy Translation section: il y a quelque chose sur votre chaussure
Bonjour marin French
Hallo matrea Flemish/German/Dutch
Mahaba coban Turkish
ÄãºÃË®ÊÖ Chinese
§á§â§Ú§Ó§Ö§ä §Þ§à§â§ñ§Ü (privet mor'ak) Russian
ol¨¢ marinheiro Portugese
Hola marinaro Spanish
Hello sailor English
Le Mans
lachen Sie nicht Ihre Tochter kann innen sein
no r'ase su hija puede ser dentro
non rida la vostra figlia pu essere all'interno
ne riez pas votre fille peut etre l'interieur
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Other News
NORC Round 5 Gainsthorpe, by Huggy posted on 29 July, 2010
Stainby 2010 NORC Round 2, by Huggy posted on 28 April, 2010
BCCC Round 2 Radnor, by Huggy posted on 11 May, 2009
BCCC round 1 Crickhowell, by Huggy posted on 14 April, 2009
NORC 2008 Awards, by Huggy posted on 22 February, 2009
MATT'S BACK, by Huggy posted on 13 February, 2009
Manby 2008, by Huggy posted on 28 October, 2008
Northern Championship, by Huggy posted on 28 October, 2008
THE ROCKY ROAD TO THE BRITISH OFF ROAD CHAMPIONSHIP, by George posted on 04 May, 2007
THE DIARY OF TEARDROPS, by George posted on 21 January, 2007
PLAINES & VALLEES 2006, by George posted on 07 January, 2007
TIC TOK - LET\'S ROCK, by George posted on 06 January, 2007
